I've Done that "Thing"

I'm struggling to find the words to write on here. I've spent nearly a year away and it's felt like a blink. I've done that "thing" that I thought I'd never do... I went and got a bit better physically and stopped reporting back on this blog. I'm pretty sad that I have struggled to continue writing on here. This has truly been the one place I felt I could open my soul to, and share one of the darkest and enlightening periods of my life.

I don't even really know who is here anymore, or if anyone has ever visited this blog more then once. Well, I take that back I know at least one person who has followed me across many platforms and to you, Daniel thank you. It's been enough to know I've helped one person and he is a very kind person at that. 

I guess this post is more of a tribute to my goals on this blog. I wrote a couple post down that I would be changing the style of this blog and I believe at the time I thought that it was the answer to not feeling so controlled by my physical capabilities. I don't think that this blog should change from the form that it has always been. I've only documented my journey for those to hopefully find aid in it. For you reader, to maybe feel connected to someone in a time of need. Every post I write on here is one from the heart and I read them sometimes and wonder who this person is. I'm just a 20 something no body trying to make sense of this blasted thing called life. I can easily say that my feet are still a struggle for me and I will continue to document my experience. I'm just at a loss for words lately. 

I've been trying to get back into life.. I unfortunately did not have a great support system and sense realizing this I've had to make some very tough choices. It's been a really long and exhausting mental journey, but one that is completely needed for me to continue to grow and change. I hope to be more in tune with my fears regarding my feet and my surgery to come. I currently don't have to be so concerned, but I do still have chronic pain. This is something I'm learning to come to terms with. 

I may be too harsh on myself when it comes to these surgeries, and how I view them as "taking over my life." I, however, need to ride this wave of trying to find myself outside doctors visits and recovery time. I have found it hard to talk about my surgeries as of late, and it's gotten so bad that I haven't brought it up in therapy... probably since my last post on here. 

I really hope once I've come to terms with my past that I will also be able to fully understand the transformation that I went through during my surgeries. I hope I post this.

Over And Out,

Kristy Edgerton