Nonunion 8 Months | Good News

My has it been a long while? yes, the answer is yes.

Life always gets a bit more busy and complicated once I start moving around without a boot. I become more physically tired and in return mentally tired. Which, unfortunately means my online life suffers but is never and will never be forgotten. 

I have been walking for almost 3 months without the boot and am getting stronger every day. I think the most challenging part about this phase in recovery is pushing through pain day after day. I strongly urge you to do it though. Even if you feel absolutely pooped find something that gets you challenging that bone to heal. It's been proven that being more active promotes healing so do it! No matter how hard. I've really been living by this and my calf muscle has been back for ages now! It's so much easier once things start to become more stable again. However, I still have many aches and pains in all sorts of places. 

On to other news I have just uploaded a new video and am incredibly excited to share this with my blog family.. been a bit nervous honestly. Since part of me is still in utter disbelief. But here it is.... GOOD NEWS.

There it is out in the open. My right foot's journey is finally over. over. Wow, saying that makes me tingly. There are a few details I didn't say in the video that I'd like to say here so I am going to write the story down and if you want to hear it in full keep reading. If not thank you so much for your time and have a good day! As always reach out through comments as well as emails! There are always others finding my blog who may find your thoughts and feelings useful! Including myself.

Doctor Day
(D Day)

I had recently started pushing myself more and more each day and was becoming more worrisome of if things were going well and what not. I had days where there was no doubt that my foot was stronger and healthier then it had been in years. But, then there were other days where it began to hurt differently or even in a familiar way and that is when the worry would set in. Mostly I just badly wanted to know.

Once the day finally came I was a nervous ball of excitement, so was my partner. We got there and as always looked at the collection of good deeds my doctor has done and his stunning collection of books. Anything, to distract how we were feeling. Then I was taken back to do the usual X-ray's; one with your foot flat and normal and one on the side. These have become common practice to me and when the nurse joked about "all you probably want to do is wear sandals" I quietly thought to myself while simultaneously giving her a little chuckle of comfort.. no all I want is my bone to be doing well. Sandals were the least from my mind.

Fairly soon afterward my doctor comes in with his normal kind yet assessing face and his hand stretched out. Something that has become a huge comfort to me during these last 9 months. He shakes my hand and says " You are usually always smiling. You should be smiling." To this I gave him a small side smile which is all I could muster with how unpleasantly nervous I was feeling. Yet, I agree with him everyone should always be smiling. I even felt a ping of guilt not being able to muster up a good one for him.

He sits down and puts the X-Ray up on the screen and zooms into his masterpiece. Takes a good look at it and turns to me and says "It's solid, you can hardly see where there were gaps before. Now they are just small slivers in a bone." Even at this point I wasn't able to give a smile but I did my best. I was in shock. Absolute shock. I had all these questions lined up for him and now none of them seemed to matter. He went on to say that he strongly believes I will continue to get stronger and feel better then I ever had (including before my first surgeries since this is a journey I've been on since age 10).

After I stubbornly asked all my worrisome questions, and was told that I may always feel "weird or odd," he kindly asked to take pictures of my feet. The look in his eyes then is something I will never forget. He was proud. I never expected to see that face from a doctor and let alone about something he had helped me with. However, I now never want to see anything else. He should be proud. He did a magnificent job. From the very first X-ray I saw to how he molded my cast I knew he was a perfectionist. The hard work he did on me paid off and he deserves to be just as overjoyed as I am.

Well readers I know this was a bit different but I hope it was something worth reading.

Until Next Time

TheFootGal

Nonunion 3 Months | Updating Updating Updating

As one can imagine time has gotten away from me. When you don't have a job or anything that really "forces" you out of your home then you kind of start drifting. It makes me wonder about who invented time. My idea is that someone kept putting this off like.. eating, sleeping, tending to the crops and realized that maybe marking time would be a good idea. Anyhow, I have no real physical things marking my time. Everything I do is by choice (which is fantastic) but it can become challenging.

Like I talked about in my post My 2 Week Vacation is Over, I was starting to feel isolated. This isn't new to me. Not at all. It's like.. being a 5 year old kid with no school, choirs, and well.. all your friends have school, and choirs. So you are left to your own means of entertainment if you will. I posted a video-log on what I have been filling in my time with. If you would like to see that video just go to my channel at www.youtube.com/user/TheFootGal. Don't forget to subscribe so that you can see any video that I do not post here! Same with following my blog. These things help you stay connected to my new material.

This got me thinking and I figured I should probably also update more on how I am actually doing. That is what this space is for. This lovely lovely canvas I call my blog. I went to the beach yesterday to think through my own emotions. What I'm going through, how I'm handling it, how I continue to push on and do my "thaaaang." Lets just say I sat at the beach, put my headphones in.... and cried.

 For almost an hour. I went home feeling refreshed and much more connected with myself. However, I did end up creating this video once I got home (Yes I'm sunburnt, YOLO).

Since this is foot related I wanted to make sure you all got to see it and give you a update on... well.. Me. Mainly I just want to give some advice on how to fill in the void that comes when you get disconnected from the life you.. "once had" or "will have again" depending on the situation. Mine just happens to be the "once had" and now I have to find what's NEXT. Which is exciting. 

It's like going off to college right out of high school. So much is unknown to you. You have no idea what you are about to jump into. So many emotions come to mind when I think of high school ending and college beginning. All those emotions I seem to feel now. Excitement, anticipation, nervous, anxious, scared, sad and ready.  

If you "land on your feet" so to say and find yourself in a situation where you feel you have either been denying yourself of your true potential or you wish to move on to the next thing. Well I can say I get that. For me I have been focusing on a few things to keep myself motivated. 

1. Getting out by myself.
• I've been making sure that I go to the mall here once a week if not more. This has gotten a series of reactions from people most of which have been 'what? I'd go with you I'm sorry you are there alone.' to this I say. Yes, it would be nice to have company but on a different day when I'm not going for just "me." A lot comes with school, jobs and anything that you go out and set a majority of time in. One of those things is Independence. We all have and we all need it. This is my little way of saying "Kristy YOU GO GIRL." To my surprise it has been helping more then anything! The beach day was one of those however, Clayton did have to come with me so  I had a ride.
2. Staying away from social Media AKA Facebook
• If you are family reading this then you know that I have deleted Facebook more then once since foot surgery. I even went so far as to deleting friends and ONLY having family. When you are at a cross roads in life and maybe have a LITTLE too much time on your hands. I highly suggest if not deleting then making some hard ground rules for yourself so that you don't get caught up in everyone else's business and their so called "Facebook achievements." you are not those people. You will never be those people. If it bothers you then just walk away. So I have been working on this. 
3. Achieving something 
• No brainer right? We all like to do something we can be proud of. I talk about a lot of these things in my Video Log update. I have a list of beanies I have been working on and I plan to knit every single one! I'm 4 1/2 down! Should be starting 5 today if all goes well. I have been posting video logs and now I will updated my blog. To me these are accomplishments. 

So if you may be going through a hard time where you are experiencing intense emotions that maybe.. seem too much to handle. I hope you remember my post and remember to keep your chin up. Keep throwing those punches and when all else fails you can always email me and I'll tell you to keep throwing the punches. I screamed into a pillow the other day and let me tell you.. WOW. so much a relief. 

Also a video about Google glass and more inspiration! (Google glass is my latest obsession)

Until Next Time

TheFootGal

Nonunion Week 15 | My 2 Week Vacation is Over

You may be wondering why I titled this post as a "two week vacation".  If you have been following along then you know that I am not on a vacation at all. Well, I am trying new things and one of those things is making it so people can more easily grasp what it might be like to go through a life changing thing as I have. So far people have told me that I'm doing smashingly at it so lets see if I continue the pattern?

So vacation. From my own personal experience and from experiences of those around me. Whether it's going across the country or just taking time off work. Everyone has this internal clock where it just tells them "okay, I'm bored. This was fun for a while and now let's get back to accomplishing stuff." For most people, of course I can't speak for ALL people, that internal clock is somewhere around the 2 week point.

Well, guess what. I've hit 3 weeks and am starting to feel that tug more and more each day of "let's get this ball rolling." That ball can just mean life in general. The unfortunate part of this internal clock that we all have... when bad things happen to people around us.. lets just say maybe a close friend of yours got.. hm.. foot surgery. Just hypothetically speaking of course.

This person goes through surgery, goes to the hospital, gets home. Everyone knows it because as a good friend they share their life with you and let you know what is going on. However, for those of you who don't actually have to go through this journey with that friend.. your internal clock kicks in also around 2 weeks and from my experience.. which I have had A LOT of experience.. A lot of people tend to forget about that friend that went through surgery two weeks ago..

However, for the most part that friends life has yet to change at all.

So lets talk about me again.. oh wait ;). I have felt guilty about this for years. This happened sooner to me during the first surgery then I could have anticipated. I didn't realize that it would happen and the effect it would have on me. It's plain and simple what happens to people who are forced to stay at home. They become isolated.

i·so·lat·ed

ˈīsəˌlātid/

adjective

1. 1.

   far away from other places, buildings, or people; remote.

   "isolated farms and villages"

   synonyms:

   remote, out of the way, outlying, off the beaten track/path, secluded,lonely, godforsaken, far-flung, inaccessible, cutoff, incommunicado, in the backwoods, in the back of beyond, in the back concessions, in the boonies/boondocks, in the middle of nowhere, in the sticks, in the tall timbers, hinterland More

It's not anyones fault. Heaven forbid I blame any one person for this, because I'd have a lot of people to blame if that was the case. I don't blame people though I honestly don't. The emotions that I feel are usually guilt, loneliness, and isolation.

Some people recognize that their friend is stuck at home but instead of actually going to visit them they sit and feel like that person may be "mad at them" or that they "can't understand so why bother?" Well , damn. Now what have you done for that friend? well.. you Isolated them. All they want is HUMAN CONTACT. We all want it. We all need it. However, we all get it in different ways. Now I need people to put in the effort to HELP ME get that.

I'm not being mean. I'm not pointing fingers. This is all very normal and happens very naturally.. I mean it's called an Internal clock for a reason right? We don't realize it happens sometimes before it's too late. So as someone who is currently feeling very isolated. Please remember that there are people out there who just need a QUICK HUG every once in a while. Who would probably cry with joy just to see another persons face. They aren't going to blame you and if they do then that isn't a real friend anyway! So get off your high horse or.. as society likes to call it "i'm too busy" and get over here and Give me some cuddle time!

Until next time,

TheFootGal

Nonunion Week 14 | How's The Foot?

My new favorite game is to answer the question "How is the foot?" Most people ask it along with "how are you?" So it makes me giggle. My favorite response is "I'm doing great and enjoying life! I think my foot is doing okay but it hasn't told me lately!"

I know I haven't posted directly about my foot but to be honest it would just be a repeat. I will give some personal insight to this experience and to my life in general this time. It's different when it isn't your first time and when things aren't mapped out so clearly. However, I have already written posts from my previous surgery that should help with more of a Physical aspect and to give insight to that side of recovery. All those things are still very relevant and are still happening. It's just that I've been able to accept this as my present. Rather then hoping for it to be over every minute that I'm living it.

So here are the links from 2-3 weeks last surgery |

Surgery Day | Day 1 | Day 2 | Day 3/4 | Day 6 | Day 7 | Day 9 | Day 12 | Day 13 | Day 14  | Day 17 | Day 19 | Day 20

If you have already lived this journey with me or if you have already read those post I just linked to, then you know that the me in those post is no longer the me of today. I can sit here and tell you all the physical trials all over again but honestly if you need the help physically that is what those links are for. They focus on the physical aspect of surgery because that is what I, as a person was overcoming at the time.

Don't get me wrong all of those lessons I learned my previous 5 surgeries are important and I still am adhering to them as I live through this most recent surgery. If there is anything you fill you did not get help with or would like further information on PLEASE contact me, the answer is always no if you don't ask. I'd be more then willing to either write about it on here or write you personally to help ease the worry that can come along with the pain.

I think there is an aspect to surgery that tends to not get mentioned. This has to do with any surgery not just foot surgery. There are parts of surgery that can be completely emotionally draining. Let me give an example.

The one that comes clearest to me is the social aspect. As someone who is very young and very healthy and would love to surround herself with people every day. It doesn't seem to happen as often as hoped. I'm not only talking about right now but in the past too. I've mentioned in my video logs and in my blog posts how isolated it is. Physical things are things you can not deny. People see them and instantly feel pity. It's a human emotion and I'm not saying it's wrong. However, I think we should try to show more empathy.

Empathy

the intellectual identification with or vicarious experiencing of the feelings, thoughts, or attitudes of another.


We tend to be distracted by the physical problem when during these things the emotional trauma is what is most damaging to the person. This is my 5th time and I've learned that it's not worth the time to hope that everyone in my life would take a step backwards and at least try to see what it may be like to be isolated in your home. I've had many cases where people have just flat out been rude to me about how "No one could understand."

I'm here to tell you that if you have felt this way you are lying to yourself. Have you ever felt lonely? Depressed? Discouraged? Sad? Angry? Lost your independence? Frustrated? Anxiety? Boredom? Embarrassed? Remorse?

The answer is YES. Sure you can't feel my pain or do this for me. I would never wish it. These kinds of things aren't easy but when the people around you aren't willing to truly empathize with you. FEEL with you. Understand the feelings you are having.. then all you get is dark and lonely feelings.

I am not trying to rag on anyone. No one person is to blame for this. I do blame society a little bit for making so that everyone has the right to be "busy." Sure be busy but in that business remember there is a human out there that is longing for your empathy.

TheFootGal

Nonunion Week 12 | 5 Stages Of Grief

So I planned this video out well. I don't have a whole lot to add today!I really think anyone that happens on this blog should watch this video. It took me 2 years to realize all of this for myself. Don't let it take you that long no matter the situation! as usual I am always here! feel free to follow me on twitter, instagram, email, youtube! THANK YOU!

@thefootgal