New Year | My Best Moments 2013

Happy New Year!

Photo done by Ausia Hamblin Photography 

Out of everything during the holiday season, New Years is my favorite. I've never been big on resolutions because I think it's important to challenge yourself every day. The thing that sticks for me is being able to set a time mark of where you have come within the year. Starting a new year means reinventing the you of the future.

As I sit here feeling optimistic for the future I was going to make a list of my "bests of 2013."

I'm sure I could make a pretty decent list but the first thing that came to my mind were my doctor experiences this year.

The beginning of this year I was still seeing the doctor that I had when I first moved here. I would go and get x-rays and get vague responses about the pain level I was in. He always had "positive" things to say about it.and things that made us think I was still on a path to recovery. However, after 2 years of looking at X-rays on a pretty consistent 2 month schedule I started to realize nothing seemed to be changing and I just kept having a sinking feeling every time I'd leave his office.

Eventually I got fed up and one morning during our regular Sunday brunch day I brought it up to my partner. It wasn't easy having to tell him that I really didn't trust this guy. Not because I thought it was the wrong choice but because what he had been telling us was just feeding into our "hope." This journey isn't just mine but my partners as well. He wants me to heal and feel strong just as much as I do and having to tell him that I wasn't feeling strong and that I didn't think this doctor was being honest with me was hard for both of us.

After that we went to one more visit before throwing in the towel.

It's a scary process to find a doctor and it can be emotionally troubling for long periods of time. As most great things in this world they usually have some equally bad things to go along with them. For me finding Doctor W. was finally a moment where I felt like I could breathe. I had been feeling the pain of walking on my, now known, nonunions and I was grateful to have a doctor again who seemed as concerned as I was. We all know how this story goes though. My concern was shortly followed by the news of having to start this foot surgery journey all over again.

I still remember Doctor W's eyes when he told me. They were full of sorrow. I can't imagine what it must be like for a doctor to look into a 22 year old's eyes and tell her that she will not only have to do it again but that he wasn't sure he could. I do know though that his emotion and intent was pure and humble. These are all rare and important traits for a doctor to carry.

This is the moment that comes to my mind when I think of 2013. It may seem weird to you that this is my fondest memory of the year but everything that has come to me since that day has been life changing, because this one doctor was humble enough to say I needed more.

I hope that you all have had a wonderful 2013. I know that I have had one of the best years of my life and to you viewers reading this, you play a huge part in that. Thank you.

Remember that we are all just humans getting by. Even the doctors we trust. Don't treat it lightly if you don't trust them. PLEASE find another one. The doctor I have now is someone I hope to have in my life for as long as mortality will allow. He has made this surgery less of a burden. I had someone tell me that while picking a doctor you should treat it as if going to the grocery store. Most of the time you don't just pick up the first jar of peanut butter you see but you like to choose one that will fit what you expect from the product.

and with that said. HAPPY NEW YEAR! I can't wait to share 2014 with all of you.

Until Next Time,

Kristy TheFootGal

Nonunion 3 Months | Updating Updating Updating

As one can imagine time has gotten away from me. When you don't have a job or anything that really "forces" you out of your home then you kind of start drifting. It makes me wonder about who invented time. My idea is that someone kept putting this off like.. eating, sleeping, tending to the crops and realized that maybe marking time would be a good idea. Anyhow, I have no real physical things marking my time. Everything I do is by choice (which is fantastic) but it can become challenging.

Like I talked about in my post My 2 Week Vacation is Over, I was starting to feel isolated. This isn't new to me. Not at all. It's like.. being a 5 year old kid with no school, choirs, and well.. all your friends have school, and choirs. So you are left to your own means of entertainment if you will. I posted a video-log on what I have been filling in my time with. If you would like to see that video just go to my channel at www.youtube.com/user/TheFootGal. Don't forget to subscribe so that you can see any video that I do not post here! Same with following my blog. These things help you stay connected to my new material.

This got me thinking and I figured I should probably also update more on how I am actually doing. That is what this space is for. This lovely lovely canvas I call my blog. I went to the beach yesterday to think through my own emotions. What I'm going through, how I'm handling it, how I continue to push on and do my "thaaaang." Lets just say I sat at the beach, put my headphones in.... and cried.

 For almost an hour. I went home feeling refreshed and much more connected with myself. However, I did end up creating this video once I got home (Yes I'm sunburnt, YOLO).

Since this is foot related I wanted to make sure you all got to see it and give you a update on... well.. Me. Mainly I just want to give some advice on how to fill in the void that comes when you get disconnected from the life you.. "once had" or "will have again" depending on the situation. Mine just happens to be the "once had" and now I have to find what's NEXT. Which is exciting. 

It's like going off to college right out of high school. So much is unknown to you. You have no idea what you are about to jump into. So many emotions come to mind when I think of high school ending and college beginning. All those emotions I seem to feel now. Excitement, anticipation, nervous, anxious, scared, sad and ready.  

If you "land on your feet" so to say and find yourself in a situation where you feel you have either been denying yourself of your true potential or you wish to move on to the next thing. Well I can say I get that. For me I have been focusing on a few things to keep myself motivated. 

1. Getting out by myself.
• I've been making sure that I go to the mall here once a week if not more. This has gotten a series of reactions from people most of which have been 'what? I'd go with you I'm sorry you are there alone.' to this I say. Yes, it would be nice to have company but on a different day when I'm not going for just "me." A lot comes with school, jobs and anything that you go out and set a majority of time in. One of those things is Independence. We all have and we all need it. This is my little way of saying "Kristy YOU GO GIRL." To my surprise it has been helping more then anything! The beach day was one of those however, Clayton did have to come with me so  I had a ride.
2. Staying away from social Media AKA Facebook
• If you are family reading this then you know that I have deleted Facebook more then once since foot surgery. I even went so far as to deleting friends and ONLY having family. When you are at a cross roads in life and maybe have a LITTLE too much time on your hands. I highly suggest if not deleting then making some hard ground rules for yourself so that you don't get caught up in everyone else's business and their so called "Facebook achievements." you are not those people. You will never be those people. If it bothers you then just walk away. So I have been working on this. 
3. Achieving something 
• No brainer right? We all like to do something we can be proud of. I talk about a lot of these things in my Video Log update. I have a list of beanies I have been working on and I plan to knit every single one! I'm 4 1/2 down! Should be starting 5 today if all goes well. I have been posting video logs and now I will updated my blog. To me these are accomplishments. 

So if you may be going through a hard time where you are experiencing intense emotions that maybe.. seem too much to handle. I hope you remember my post and remember to keep your chin up. Keep throwing those punches and when all else fails you can always email me and I'll tell you to keep throwing the punches. I screamed into a pillow the other day and let me tell you.. WOW. so much a relief. 

Also a video about Google glass and more inspiration! (Google glass is my latest obsession)

Until Next Time

TheFootGal

Nonunion Week 15 | My 2 Week Vacation is Over

You may be wondering why I titled this post as a "two week vacation".  If you have been following along then you know that I am not on a vacation at all. Well, I am trying new things and one of those things is making it so people can more easily grasp what it might be like to go through a life changing thing as I have. So far people have told me that I'm doing smashingly at it so lets see if I continue the pattern?

So vacation. From my own personal experience and from experiences of those around me. Whether it's going across the country or just taking time off work. Everyone has this internal clock where it just tells them "okay, I'm bored. This was fun for a while and now let's get back to accomplishing stuff." For most people, of course I can't speak for ALL people, that internal clock is somewhere around the 2 week point.

Well, guess what. I've hit 3 weeks and am starting to feel that tug more and more each day of "let's get this ball rolling." That ball can just mean life in general. The unfortunate part of this internal clock that we all have... when bad things happen to people around us.. lets just say maybe a close friend of yours got.. hm.. foot surgery. Just hypothetically speaking of course.

This person goes through surgery, goes to the hospital, gets home. Everyone knows it because as a good friend they share their life with you and let you know what is going on. However, for those of you who don't actually have to go through this journey with that friend.. your internal clock kicks in also around 2 weeks and from my experience.. which I have had A LOT of experience.. A lot of people tend to forget about that friend that went through surgery two weeks ago..

However, for the most part that friends life has yet to change at all.

So lets talk about me again.. oh wait ;). I have felt guilty about this for years. This happened sooner to me during the first surgery then I could have anticipated. I didn't realize that it would happen and the effect it would have on me. It's plain and simple what happens to people who are forced to stay at home. They become isolated.

i·so·lat·ed

ˈīsəˌlātid/

adjective

1. 1.

   far away from other places, buildings, or people; remote.

   "isolated farms and villages"

   synonyms:

   remote, out of the way, outlying, off the beaten track/path, secluded,lonely, godforsaken, far-flung, inaccessible, cutoff, incommunicado, in the backwoods, in the back of beyond, in the back concessions, in the boonies/boondocks, in the middle of nowhere, in the sticks, in the tall timbers, hinterland More

It's not anyones fault. Heaven forbid I blame any one person for this, because I'd have a lot of people to blame if that was the case. I don't blame people though I honestly don't. The emotions that I feel are usually guilt, loneliness, and isolation.

Some people recognize that their friend is stuck at home but instead of actually going to visit them they sit and feel like that person may be "mad at them" or that they "can't understand so why bother?" Well , damn. Now what have you done for that friend? well.. you Isolated them. All they want is HUMAN CONTACT. We all want it. We all need it. However, we all get it in different ways. Now I need people to put in the effort to HELP ME get that.

I'm not being mean. I'm not pointing fingers. This is all very normal and happens very naturally.. I mean it's called an Internal clock for a reason right? We don't realize it happens sometimes before it's too late. So as someone who is currently feeling very isolated. Please remember that there are people out there who just need a QUICK HUG every once in a while. Who would probably cry with joy just to see another persons face. They aren't going to blame you and if they do then that isn't a real friend anyway! So get off your high horse or.. as society likes to call it "i'm too busy" and get over here and Give me some cuddle time!

Until next time,

TheFootGal