I've been struggling for many months on how to bring this up. Bear with me as this has been something I've wanted to do for a while and am now finding the strength to get started.
If you have come here because you are looking for advice on recovering from surgery then you have come to the right place. I have documented 3 years worth of information on Calcaneal Osteotomy and various other things on this blog and now on my Youtube Channel TheFootGal. However, as some of you may know I am only 23 years old at this time. I have so much of my life ahead of me and would like to make a change.
It's been about 6 months if not longer that I've spent wringing my hands about how to make this change. I am very proud of my work here on my blog and I am still extremely passionate on helping people when it comes to recovery. As agonizing as this journey has been it made me into a stronger and better version of myself. I fully believe if we take the hardships inward and use them to strengthen ourselves we can become more humble and honest. I have seen some sides of having a physical disability that I still can not shake nor do I want to. The hard moments are the ones that make you think. They are the moments that change history.
I'd like to help the world see the pain and loneliness that a surgery or injury can bring into someones life. Help people understand how to better help others who may be going through the struggle that is recovery. I've met a handful of people going through recovery and I've noticed they also have some of the same struggles I had. The one that sticks with me the most is the struggle to talk about the pain. Somehow I was able to blog about my experience. I don't think this is that easy for people. I saw the need and I grabbed on full force. I would really want to continue doing that. At this moment in time I still have one (that I know of) surgery to undergo. My journey has not yet come to an end. I do have restored faith that there is an end for me. This was something I had been uncertain about for nearly 2 years. I can finally breathe just a little bit better.
This new found hope has given me the strength that I couldn't find in the last 6 months. I hope if you have been following my story you will continue to do so and I hope if you have just stumbled upon my site that you will see everything I have to offer and not only see a "bank of information" as I sometimes feel I'm treated.
Now if you've gotten this far into the post (thank you) then you will want to know what this "change" is. Well as this blog and this journey have shaped me I would like to continue my online identity on this blog. I have so much more I want to offer the world but none of this would be possible if I hadn't started this blog. I want to start posting comics, art work, knitting, and more personal opinions that don't revolve around a foot surgery. I want to grab my professional identity on here and use it for my continual journey through life. I have mentioned before that I may change the URL to this blog and this was ultimately why. I don't want to be just known for something I couldn't control in my life. I have a future and I'd like to move forward with that.
So from here on out be prepared to experience more of who I am.
Until next time,
Kristy Edgerton
Showing posts with label honesty. Show all posts
Showing posts with label honesty. Show all posts
Monday, May 5, 2014
Thursday, April 24, 2014
Nonunion 8 Months | Good News
My has it been a long while? yes, the answer is yes.
There it is out in the open. My right foot's journey is finally over. over. Wow, saying that makes me tingly. There are a few details I didn't say in the video that I'd like to say here so I am going to write the story down and if you want to hear it in full keep reading. If not thank you so much for your time and have a good day! As always reach out through comments as well as emails! There are always others finding my blog who may find your thoughts and feelings useful! Including myself.
Doctor Day
I had recently started pushing myself more and more each day and was becoming more worrisome of if things were going well and what not. I had days where there was no doubt that my foot was stronger and healthier then it had been in years. But, then there were other days where it began to hurt differently or even in a familiar way and that is when the worry would set in. Mostly I just badly wanted to know.
Once the day finally came I was a nervous ball of excitement, so was my partner. We got there and as always looked at the collection of good deeds my doctor has done and his stunning collection of books. Anything, to distract how we were feeling. Then I was taken back to do the usual X-ray's; one with your foot flat and normal and one on the side. These have become common practice to me and when the nurse joked about "all you probably want to do is wear sandals" I quietly thought to myself while simultaneously giving her a little chuckle of comfort.. no all I want is my bone to be doing well. Sandals were the least from my mind.
Fairly soon afterward my doctor comes in with his normal kind yet assessing face and his hand stretched out. Something that has become a huge comfort to me during these last 9 months. He shakes my hand and says " You are usually always smiling. You should be smiling." To this I gave him a small side smile which is all I could muster with how unpleasantly nervous I was feeling. Yet, I agree with him everyone should always be smiling. I even felt a ping of guilt not being able to muster up a good one for him.
He sits down and puts the X-Ray up on the screen and zooms into his masterpiece. Takes a good look at it and turns to me and says "It's solid, you can hardly see where there were gaps before. Now they are just small slivers in a bone." Even at this point I wasn't able to give a smile but I did my best. I was in shock. Absolute shock. I had all these questions lined up for him and now none of them seemed to matter. He went on to say that he strongly believes I will continue to get stronger and feel better then I ever had (including before my first surgeries since this is a journey I've been on since age 10).
After I stubbornly asked all my worrisome questions, and was told that I may always feel "weird or odd," he kindly asked to take pictures of my feet. The look in his eyes then is something I will never forget. He was proud. I never expected to see that face from a doctor and let alone about something he had helped me with. However, I now never want to see anything else. He should be proud. He did a magnificent job. From the very first X-ray I saw to how he molded my cast I knew he was a perfectionist. The hard work he did on me paid off and he deserves to be just as overjoyed as I am.
Well readers I know this was a bit different but I hope it was something worth reading.
Until Next Time
TheFootGal
Life always gets a bit more busy and complicated once I start moving around without a boot. I become more physically tired and in return mentally tired. Which, unfortunately means my online life suffers but is never and will never be forgotten.
I have been walking for almost 3 months without the boot and am getting stronger every day. I think the most challenging part about this phase in recovery is pushing through pain day after day. I strongly urge you to do it though. Even if you feel absolutely pooped find something that gets you challenging that bone to heal. It's been proven that being more active promotes healing so do it! No matter how hard. I've really been living by this and my calf muscle has been back for ages now! It's so much easier once things start to become more stable again. However, I still have many aches and pains in all sorts of places.
On to other news I have just uploaded a new video and am incredibly excited to share this with my blog family.. been a bit nervous honestly. Since part of me is still in utter disbelief. But here it is.... GOOD NEWS.
There it is out in the open. My right foot's journey is finally over. over. Wow, saying that makes me tingly. There are a few details I didn't say in the video that I'd like to say here so I am going to write the story down and if you want to hear it in full keep reading. If not thank you so much for your time and have a good day! As always reach out through comments as well as emails! There are always others finding my blog who may find your thoughts and feelings useful! Including myself.
Doctor Day
(D Day)
I had recently started pushing myself more and more each day and was becoming more worrisome of if things were going well and what not. I had days where there was no doubt that my foot was stronger and healthier then it had been in years. But, then there were other days where it began to hurt differently or even in a familiar way and that is when the worry would set in. Mostly I just badly wanted to know.
Once the day finally came I was a nervous ball of excitement, so was my partner. We got there and as always looked at the collection of good deeds my doctor has done and his stunning collection of books. Anything, to distract how we were feeling. Then I was taken back to do the usual X-ray's; one with your foot flat and normal and one on the side. These have become common practice to me and when the nurse joked about "all you probably want to do is wear sandals" I quietly thought to myself while simultaneously giving her a little chuckle of comfort.. no all I want is my bone to be doing well. Sandals were the least from my mind.
Fairly soon afterward my doctor comes in with his normal kind yet assessing face and his hand stretched out. Something that has become a huge comfort to me during these last 9 months. He shakes my hand and says " You are usually always smiling. You should be smiling." To this I gave him a small side smile which is all I could muster with how unpleasantly nervous I was feeling. Yet, I agree with him everyone should always be smiling. I even felt a ping of guilt not being able to muster up a good one for him.
He sits down and puts the X-Ray up on the screen and zooms into his masterpiece. Takes a good look at it and turns to me and says "It's solid, you can hardly see where there were gaps before. Now they are just small slivers in a bone." Even at this point I wasn't able to give a smile but I did my best. I was in shock. Absolute shock. I had all these questions lined up for him and now none of them seemed to matter. He went on to say that he strongly believes I will continue to get stronger and feel better then I ever had (including before my first surgeries since this is a journey I've been on since age 10).
After I stubbornly asked all my worrisome questions, and was told that I may always feel "weird or odd," he kindly asked to take pictures of my feet. The look in his eyes then is something I will never forget. He was proud. I never expected to see that face from a doctor and let alone about something he had helped me with. However, I now never want to see anything else. He should be proud. He did a magnificent job. From the very first X-ray I saw to how he molded my cast I knew he was a perfectionist. The hard work he did on me paid off and he deserves to be just as overjoyed as I am.
Well readers I know this was a bit different but I hope it was something worth reading.
Until Next Time
TheFootGal
Tuesday, November 5, 2013
Reoccurring Theme
I'm not sure if I've openly talked about my opinion on situations such as mine (anything that is life changing or altering). It's easy to see that I am physically handicapped. It's not as easy to see or be aware that there are two sides to having a physical handicap.
This is a very personal subject to me and I have only shared it with a handful of close friends and relatives. I strongly believe that there is always a physical and mental challenge while tackling a life changing situation, whether it be changing your diet or losing your feet. It's something that I have been able to be more aware of as I have been going through this for almost 3 years now.
Think about it this way. When you decided to cut out that daily dose of Mickey D's french fries you don't just do your body good but you mentally tend to crave or even miss it like a long lost friend. Studies have shown that people over eat because of their feelings.
I've had so many experiences and still to this day encounter at least one person a day that can not see past my physical trial. They want to know what happened? What is this thing you are on? how long have you been in that cast/boot? Is it going to get better? and well.. when you are honest and say "I do not know and neither does my doctor" they all seem to shrink away. I witness their face gone from curiosity to immediate pity. Most cases these people ask some less "harmful" questions and then walk away and continue their day leaving me with the awful sense that I just told them their dog died.
I'm not sure where you say "HEY I'M A HUMAN WITH THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS." I haven't quite figured this out yet. I usually just scoot along and find a quiet place to read or indulge in my current obsession. The sense that every time I encounter someone like this doesn't go or fade away though. It lingers and sits like I just ate rotten food. In fact I've had it happen over and over with immediate family and close friends, where they swear to me that I don't deserve this and that I will get better. Then I have to silently tell myself that they mean well but the real truth is no one knows the outcome.
It's hard to make friends when so many people look at me and all they see is a big booted foot.
Until next time,
TheFootGal
Thursday, October 10, 2013
Nonunion 3 Months | Updating Updating Updating
As one can imagine time has gotten away from me. When you don't have a job or anything that really "forces" you out of your home then you kind of start drifting. It makes me wonder about who invented time. My idea is that someone kept putting this off like.. eating, sleeping, tending to the crops and realized that maybe marking time would be a good idea. Anyhow, I have no real physical things marking my time. Everything I do is by choice (which is fantastic) but it can become challenging.
Like I talked about in my post My 2 Week Vacation is Over, I was starting to feel isolated. This isn't new to me. Not at all. It's like.. being a 5 year old kid with no school, choirs, and well.. all your friends have school, and choirs. So you are left to your own means of entertainment if you will. I posted a video-log on what I have been filling in my time with. If you would like to see that video just go to my channel at www.youtube.com/user/TheFootGal. Don't forget to subscribe so that you can see any video that I do not post here! Same with following my blog. These things help you stay connected to my new material.
This got me thinking and I figured I should probably also update more on how I am actually doing. That is what this space is for. This lovely lovely canvas I call my blog. I went to the beach yesterday to think through my own emotions. What I'm going through, how I'm handling it, how I continue to push on and do my "thaaaang." Lets just say I sat at the beach, put my headphones in.... and cried.
For almost an hour. I went home feeling refreshed and much more connected with myself. However, I did end up creating this video once I got home (Yes I'm sunburnt, YOLO).
Since this is foot related I wanted to make sure you all got to see it and give you a update on... well.. Me. Mainly I just want to give some advice on how to fill in the void that comes when you get disconnected from the life you.. "once had" or "will have again" depending on the situation. Mine just happens to be the "once had" and now I have to find what's NEXT. Which is exciting.
It's like going off to college right out of high school. So much is unknown to you. You have no idea what you are about to jump into. So many emotions come to mind when I think of high school ending and college beginning. All those emotions I seem to feel now. Excitement, anticipation, nervous, anxious, scared, sad and ready.
If you "land on your feet" so to say and find yourself in a situation where you feel you have either been denying yourself of your true potential or you wish to move on to the next thing. Well I can say I get that. For me I have been focusing on a few things to keep myself motivated.
- Getting out by myself.
- I've been making sure that I go to the mall here once a week if not more. This has gotten a series of reactions from people most of which have been 'what? I'd go with you I'm sorry you are there alone.' to this I say. Yes, it would be nice to have company but on a different day when I'm not going for just "me." A lot comes with school, jobs and anything that you go out and set a majority of time in. One of those things is Independence. We all have and we all need it. This is my little way of saying "Kristy YOU GO GIRL." To my surprise it has been helping more then anything! The beach day was one of those however, Clayton did have to come with me so I had a ride.
- Staying away from social Media AKA Facebook
- If you are family reading this then you know that I have deleted Facebook more then once since foot surgery. I even went so far as to deleting friends and ONLY having family. When you are at a cross roads in life and maybe have a LITTLE too much time on your hands. I highly suggest if not deleting then making some hard ground rules for yourself so that you don't get caught up in everyone else's business and their so called "Facebook achievements." you are not those people. You will never be those people. If it bothers you then just walk away. So I have been working on this.
- Achieving something
- No brainer right? We all like to do something we can be proud of. I talk about a lot of these things in my Video Log update. I have a list of beanies I have been working on and I plan to knit every single one! I'm 4 1/2 down! Should be starting 5 today if all goes well. I have been posting video logs and now I will updated my blog. To me these are accomplishments.
So if you may be going through a hard time where you are experiencing intense emotions that maybe.. seem too much to handle. I hope you remember my post and remember to keep your chin up. Keep throwing those punches and when all else fails you can always email me and I'll tell you to keep throwing the punches. I screamed into a pillow the other day and let me tell you.. WOW. so much a relief.
Also a video about Google glass and more inspiration! (Google glass is my latest obsession)
Until Next Time
TheFootGal
Thursday, September 5, 2013
Nonunion Week 15 | My 2 Week Vacation is Over
You may be wondering why I titled this post as a "two week vacation". If you have been following along then you know that I am not on a vacation at all. Well, I am trying new things and one of those things is making it so people can more easily grasp what it might be like to go through a life changing thing as I have. So far people have told me that I'm doing smashingly at it so lets see if I continue the pattern?
So vacation. From my own personal experience and from experiences of those around me. Whether it's going across the country or just taking time off work. Everyone has this internal clock where it just tells them "okay, I'm bored. This was fun for a while and now let's get back to accomplishing stuff." For most people, of course I can't speak for ALL people, that internal clock is somewhere around the 2 week point.
Well, guess what. I've hit 3 weeks and am starting to feel that tug more and more each day of "let's get this ball rolling." That ball can just mean life in general. The unfortunate part of this internal clock that we all have... when bad things happen to people around us.. lets just say maybe a close friend of yours got.. hm.. foot surgery. Just hypothetically speaking of course.
This person goes through surgery, goes to the hospital, gets home. Everyone knows it because as a good friend they share their life with you and let you know what is going on. However, for those of you who don't actually have to go through this journey with that friend.. your internal clock kicks in also around 2 weeks and from my experience.. which I have had A LOT of experience.. A lot of people tend to forget about that friend that went through surgery two weeks ago..
However, for the most part that friends life has yet to change at all.
So lets talk about me again.. oh wait ;). I have felt guilty about this for years. This happened sooner to me during the first surgery then I could have anticipated. I didn't realize that it would happen and the effect it would have on me. It's plain and simple what happens to people who are forced to stay at home. They become isolated.
It's not anyones fault. Heaven forbid I blame any one person for this, because I'd have a lot of people to blame if that was the case. I don't blame people though I honestly don't. The emotions that I feel are usually guilt, loneliness, and isolation.
Some people recognize that their friend is stuck at home but instead of actually going to visit them they sit and feel like that person may be "mad at them" or that they "can't understand so why bother?" Well , damn. Now what have you done for that friend? well.. you Isolated them. All they want is HUMAN CONTACT. We all want it. We all need it. However, we all get it in different ways. Now I need people to put in the effort to HELP ME get that.
I'm not being mean. I'm not pointing fingers. This is all very normal and happens very naturally.. I mean it's called an Internal clock for a reason right? We don't realize it happens sometimes before it's too late. So as someone who is currently feeling very isolated. Please remember that there are people out there who just need a QUICK HUG every once in a while. Who would probably cry with joy just to see another persons face. They aren't going to blame you and if they do then that isn't a real friend anyway! So get off your high horse or.. as society likes to call it "i'm too busy" and get over here and Give me some cuddle time!
Until next time,
TheFootGal
So vacation. From my own personal experience and from experiences of those around me. Whether it's going across the country or just taking time off work. Everyone has this internal clock where it just tells them "okay, I'm bored. This was fun for a while and now let's get back to accomplishing stuff." For most people, of course I can't speak for ALL people, that internal clock is somewhere around the 2 week point.
Well, guess what. I've hit 3 weeks and am starting to feel that tug more and more each day of "let's get this ball rolling." That ball can just mean life in general. The unfortunate part of this internal clock that we all have... when bad things happen to people around us.. lets just say maybe a close friend of yours got.. hm.. foot surgery. Just hypothetically speaking of course.
This person goes through surgery, goes to the hospital, gets home. Everyone knows it because as a good friend they share their life with you and let you know what is going on. However, for those of you who don't actually have to go through this journey with that friend.. your internal clock kicks in also around 2 weeks and from my experience.. which I have had A LOT of experience.. A lot of people tend to forget about that friend that went through surgery two weeks ago..
However, for the most part that friends life has yet to change at all.
So lets talk about me again.. oh wait ;). I have felt guilty about this for years. This happened sooner to me during the first surgery then I could have anticipated. I didn't realize that it would happen and the effect it would have on me. It's plain and simple what happens to people who are forced to stay at home. They become isolated.
i·so·lat·ed
ˈīsəˌlātid/
adjective
- 1.far away from other places, buildings, or people; remote."isolated farms and villages"
synonyms: remote, out of the way, outlying, off the beaten track/path, secluded,lonely, godforsaken, far-flung, inaccessible, cutoff, incommunicado, in the backwoods, in the back of beyond, in the back concessions, in the boonies/boondocks, in the middle of nowhere, in the sticks, in the tall timbers, hinterland More
Some people recognize that their friend is stuck at home but instead of actually going to visit them they sit and feel like that person may be "mad at them" or that they "can't understand so why bother?" Well , damn. Now what have you done for that friend? well.. you Isolated them. All they want is HUMAN CONTACT. We all want it. We all need it. However, we all get it in different ways. Now I need people to put in the effort to HELP ME get that.
I'm not being mean. I'm not pointing fingers. This is all very normal and happens very naturally.. I mean it's called an Internal clock for a reason right? We don't realize it happens sometimes before it's too late. So as someone who is currently feeling very isolated. Please remember that there are people out there who just need a QUICK HUG every once in a while. Who would probably cry with joy just to see another persons face. They aren't going to blame you and if they do then that isn't a real friend anyway! So get off your high horse or.. as society likes to call it "i'm too busy" and get over here and Give me some cuddle time!
Until next time,
TheFootGal
Monday, September 2, 2013
Nonunion Week 14 | Atrophy and Some Unpleasantness
I've been thinking a lot lately about how I want to approach my blog. I do still want to talk about my foot journey but I've gotten to a weird point where people who will be having the foot surgery will still relate but they will get better sooner than I have.
If you are reading this for tips then know you are at the right place. If you see that I've been on this journey for 3 years then please do not think that you will also be out of luck for 3 years or longer as I am. I am a rare case. My doctors have all said so. "so young" "I'm not sure why" "you are so healthy." I recently went to get my 3rd cast on and stitches removed. I was excited for both. Stitches are very uncomfortable in a cast and due to atrophy (loss of muscle) in my leg the cast had become extremely loose and wiggly causing it to be even more uncomfortable.
The three days before going in, when I started really losing the muscle, I was having a hard time. Of course I knew this was coming. I wish this was my first time and could be naive to the hardest parts of surgery. However, I knew and I posted about it showing how I'd miss my calf muscle. It took me 2 years to get both of my calf muscles back. I only had full calf muscle for 4 months before I was told I'd have to get surgery again.
To those of you who are reading this and haven't had to experience atrophy I will try to help you understand how hard it can be.
If you are reading this for tips then know you are at the right place. If you see that I've been on this journey for 3 years then please do not think that you will also be out of luck for 3 years or longer as I am. I am a rare case. My doctors have all said so. "so young" "I'm not sure why" "you are so healthy." I recently went to get my 3rd cast on and stitches removed. I was excited for both. Stitches are very uncomfortable in a cast and due to atrophy (loss of muscle) in my leg the cast had become extremely loose and wiggly causing it to be even more uncomfortable.
The three days before going in, when I started really losing the muscle, I was having a hard time. Of course I knew this was coming. I wish this was my first time and could be naive to the hardest parts of surgery. However, I knew and I posted about it showing how I'd miss my calf muscle. It took me 2 years to get both of my calf muscles back. I only had full calf muscle for 4 months before I was told I'd have to get surgery again.
To those of you who are reading this and haven't had to experience atrophy I will try to help you understand how hard it can be.
at·ro·phy
ˈatrəfē/
verb
- 2.gradually decline in effectiveness or vigor due to underuse or neglect."her artistic skills atrophied from lack of use"
Here is a picture showing my own atrophy. I am skinny so there isn't a whole lot but muscle to lose. I'm slowly turning into bone. I have to watch my leg waste away to nothing. Then one day I'll have to go through pain and agony and work through the weakness that my leg will have become by then. It's like when you have taken too much time away from the gym; you've become fat and weak. You go to the gym and work out and what happens? You start becoming strong again. The things that come along with that strength are usually tightness, pain, and discomfort.
This is similar to my atrophy however.. this muscle I'm losing is everyday muscle that you can't lose without actually not using it. Ever. It's the muscles you use to walk, stand, sit, squat, pic up things off the ground, etc. The muscle that by nature you need to be a human and move around. I can't use that during the healing so I lose them. Then I have to rebuild later but I haven't been walking, standing, squatting or picking up things off the floor. I've been recovering, healing, resting, and preparing.
It's hard. To know that I am watching myself even in this small area, my calf, waste away to bone. To know that I in a small way am weak. If I tried to walk on this today I probably could but only for a short time. Just like working out you have to slowly build up how much weight you can lift or how many lunges you can do. I'm starting over again. Just like a baby who has never walked before doesn't have the muscles. Each time I go through a surgery like this I lose those muscles. It's hard to watch. It hurts me emotionally. I had to cry for it. I had to accept it. I do accept it. That doesn't change the fact that I'm human. I would like to be able to kick someones ass if needs be.
My doctor told me some honest truth this visit. He said "Kristy, I have to be honest with you. I do not know why this happened. It's so rare and I've never seen it before. If I'm being honest it could have been done differently the first time but it wasn't anything you did."
He isn't saying that my doctor before messed up, just that my case was hard from the start and that my feet alone were a bit rare, which is probably true since my other doctor laughed and said "where did you get these feet?" when he first saw them. But the important part of that was when my doctor now said "..it wasn't anything you did."
He isn't saying that my doctor before messed up, just that my case was hard from the start and that my feet alone were a bit rare, which is probably true since my other doctor laughed and said "where did you get these feet?" when he first saw them. But the important part of that was when my doctor now said "..it wasn't anything you did."
The relief to know that I haven't brought this upon myself is tremendous. You always have to be weary in this kind of situation. On some level you give the doctors the 'O.K' to go and work on you. There is a level of uncertainty when things don't go exactly how they should, which seems to happen a lot in my case. So again if you are here for advice then take the advice that atrophy is hard. That you will have to mourn it but that you have the strength to build it up again in the future. Don't fret and worry that this may happen to you.. because honestly my doctor has done so many of these surgeries and has never seen a case like mine. Ever. So odds are you will be fine! you will heal within a Year and be on your way to running marathons. I do hope you come back to my blog and visit. Or even contact me. I will be trying new things and exploring the world in a new way. I do enjoy success stories though so if you are one I'd love to hear about it.
Until next time,
TheFootGal
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