I'm not sure if I've openly talked about my opinion on situations such as mine (anything that is life changing or altering). It's easy to see that I am physically handicapped. It's not as easy to see or be aware that there are two sides to having a physical handicap.
This is a very personal subject to me and I have only shared it with a handful of close friends and relatives. I strongly believe that there is always a physical and mental challenge while tackling a life changing situation, whether it be changing your diet or losing your feet. It's something that I have been able to be more aware of as I have been going through this for almost 3 years now.
Think about it this way. When you decided to cut out that daily dose of Mickey D's french fries you don't just do your body good but you mentally tend to crave or even miss it like a long lost friend. Studies have shown that people over eat because of their feelings.
I've had so many experiences and still to this day encounter at least one person a day that can not see past my physical trial. They want to know what happened? What is this thing you are on? how long have you been in that cast/boot? Is it going to get better? and well.. when you are honest and say "I do not know and neither does my doctor" they all seem to shrink away. I witness their face gone from curiosity to immediate pity. Most cases these people ask some less "harmful" questions and then walk away and continue their day leaving me with the awful sense that I just told them their dog died.
I'm not sure where you say "HEY I'M A HUMAN WITH THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS." I haven't quite figured this out yet. I usually just scoot along and find a quiet place to read or indulge in my current obsession. The sense that every time I encounter someone like this doesn't go or fade away though. It lingers and sits like I just ate rotten food. In fact I've had it happen over and over with immediate family and close friends, where they swear to me that I don't deserve this and that I will get better. Then I have to silently tell myself that they mean well but the real truth is no one knows the outcome.
It's hard to make friends when so many people look at me and all they see is a big booted foot.
Things are going very well in my neck of the woods. I just got some incredibly good news, which is that I am no longer in a cast! Wooohooo!!!! It's interesting how much anxiety comes when you are waiting on your doctors visit.
I have to admit something. I love going to my doctor's office. That is probably weird to most of you but honestly it's the one place I feel.. free to be myself. Completely. All the people I interact with are always cheerful and just so much fun to joke around with. I can't say the same for everyone I meet or interact with during a normal day in the "walking" world. I just love going to my doctor's.
So, you may be wondering what comes along with getting my cast off. I get to wear my boot which has an air liner. It felt like I had put my whole foot into a pillow! It still does. The doctor said he still wants me non-weight bearing for the most part until November 9th. Once it is November 9th I can start adding some weight. I plan on making a video about this when it happens. Being able to start adding weight can be scary and I have some really exciting ideas of how to use my knee scooter for physical therapy purposes.
Other then that I've been extremely busy! So odd to me. Last surgeries I was everything but busy and I hated it. Now I can't wrap my mind about how busy I have actually been. I've been knitting hats for so many people! The list keeps growing too so I'm going to have to re-group and start a plan. I thought it would just be a project but it's turned into something I really enjoy and can't wait to dive into making some socks and more patterned Items.
I had a friend come out and visit for a few days. Halloween was yesterday and I dressed up as a "Jersey Gurl." I have so many plans coming up. I really do want to write a post about keeping yourself occupied after surgery but I honestly haven't been sure of what should be in it. If you have any suggestions please! I'd love to write stuff for my viewers.
Here is a small list of what I do to keep busy:
Finding old and new talents and using them. (knitting, drawing, reading, creativity)
ASL Classroom starts Nov. 4th and runs for 10 weeks. I'm taking 2 classes so I will have something 4 times a week!
Joining a knitting club or some sort of gathering you are interested in and feel safe going to despite your situation. It is really good to get out.
I took a Card making class and had an amazing time! Can't wait to do it again even if I'm not too big into card making I love paper crafts.
Decorating your cast! I keep telling people that if they ever want me to decorate theirs I would do it!
ENJOYING LIFE
Now I think I'm going to go start another hat! I've made 3 since my friend was here!
As one can imagine time has gotten away from me. When you don't have a job or anything that really "forces" you out of your home then you kind of start drifting. It makes me wonder about who invented time. My idea is that someone kept putting this off like.. eating, sleeping, tending to the crops and realized that maybe marking time would be a good idea. Anyhow, I have no real physical things marking my time. Everything I do is by choice (which is fantastic) but it can become challenging.
Like I talked about in my post My 2 Week Vacation is Over, I was starting to feel isolated. This isn't new to me. Not at all. It's like.. being a 5 year old kid with no school, choirs, and well.. all your friends have school, and choirs. So you are left to your own means of entertainment if you will. I posted a video-log on what I have been filling in my time with. If you would like to see that video just go to my channel at www.youtube.com/user/TheFootGal. Don't forget to subscribe so that you can see any video that I do not post here! Same with following my blog. These things help you stay connected to my new material.
This got me thinking and I figured I should probably also update more on how I am actually doing. That is what this space is for. This lovely lovely canvas I call my blog. I went to the beach yesterday to think through my own emotions. What I'm going through, how I'm handling it, how I continue to push on and do my "thaaaang." Lets just say I sat at the beach, put my headphones in.... and cried.
For almost an hour. I went home feeling refreshed and much more connected with myself. However, I did end up creating this video once I got home (Yes I'm sunburnt, YOLO).
Since this is foot related I wanted to make sure you all got to see it and give you a update on... well.. Me. Mainly I just want to give some advice on how to fill in the void that comes when you get disconnected from the life you.. "once had" or "will have again" depending on the situation. Mine just happens to be the "once had" and now I have to find what's NEXT. Which is exciting.
It's like going off to college right out of high school. So much is unknown to you. You have no idea what you are about to jump into. So many emotions come to mind when I think of high school ending and college beginning. All those emotions I seem to feel now. Excitement, anticipation, nervous, anxious, scared, sad and ready.
If you "land on your feet" so to say and find yourself in a situation where you feel you have either been denying yourself of your true potential or you wish to move on to the next thing. Well I can say I get that. For me I have been focusing on a few things to keep myself motivated.
Getting out by myself.
I've been making sure that I go to the mall here once a week if not more. This has gotten a series of reactions from people most of which have been 'what? I'd go with you I'm sorry you are there alone.' to this I say. Yes, it would be nice to have company but on a different day when I'm not going for just "me." A lot comes with school, jobs and anything that you go out and set a majority of time in. One of those things is Independence. We all have and we all need it. This is my little way of saying "Kristy YOU GO GIRL." To my surprise it has been helping more then anything! The beach day was one of those however, Clayton did have to come with me so I had a ride.
Staying away from social Media AKA Facebook
If you are family reading this then you know that I have deleted Facebook more then once since foot surgery. I even went so far as to deleting friends and ONLY having family. When you are at a cross roads in life and maybe have a LITTLE too much time on your hands. I highly suggest if not deleting then making some hard ground rules for yourself so that you don't get caught up in everyone else's business and their so called "Facebook achievements." you are not those people. You will never be those people. If it bothers you then just walk away. So I have been working on this.
Achieving something
No brainer right? We all like to do something we can be proud of. I talk about a lot of these things in my Video Log update. I have a list of beanies I have been working on and I plan to knit every single one! I'm 4 1/2 down! Should be starting 5 today if all goes well. I have been posting video logs and now I will updated my blog. To me these are accomplishments.
So if you may be going through a hard time where you are experiencing intense emotions that maybe.. seem too much to handle. I hope you remember my post and remember to keep your chin up. Keep throwing those punches and when all else fails you can always email me and I'll tell you to keep throwing the punches. I screamed into a pillow the other day and let me tell you.. WOW. so much a relief.
Also a video about Google glass and more inspiration! (Google glass is my latest obsession)
So I planned this video out well. I don't have a whole lot to add today!I really think anyone that happens on this blog should watch this video. It took me 2 years to realize all of this for myself. Don't let it take you that long no matter the situation! as usual I am always here! feel free to follow me on twitter, instagram, email, youtube! THANK YOU!
