Advice from others | Enjoy

Hello,

I am currently just having a pleasant night off from work and thought hell. I might as well post on my blog. I found some amazing videos and resources that I didn't realize what they were. First off this website:

http://community.goodbyecrutches.com/blog?sort=newestPosts

I had Goodbyecrutches tweet me and asked me to post my advice on their sight. I haven't thought about it for months and just saw the tweet again and I am so glad I did. I have read some really great advice on this website before but didn't realize how it worked. Check it out it's great for lower body injuries. I'm on there find me!

Second here are some videos I've found by looking at this site!

Needless to say I'm very excited! 

Always, 

   Kristy

Nonunion 8 Months | Good News

My has it been a long while? yes, the answer is yes.

Life always gets a bit more busy and complicated once I start moving around without a boot. I become more physically tired and in return mentally tired. Which, unfortunately means my online life suffers but is never and will never be forgotten. 

I have been walking for almost 3 months without the boot and am getting stronger every day. I think the most challenging part about this phase in recovery is pushing through pain day after day. I strongly urge you to do it though. Even if you feel absolutely pooped find something that gets you challenging that bone to heal. It's been proven that being more active promotes healing so do it! No matter how hard. I've really been living by this and my calf muscle has been back for ages now! It's so much easier once things start to become more stable again. However, I still have many aches and pains in all sorts of places. 

On to other news I have just uploaded a new video and am incredibly excited to share this with my blog family.. been a bit nervous honestly. Since part of me is still in utter disbelief. But here it is.... GOOD NEWS.

There it is out in the open. My right foot's journey is finally over. over. Wow, saying that makes me tingly. There are a few details I didn't say in the video that I'd like to say here so I am going to write the story down and if you want to hear it in full keep reading. If not thank you so much for your time and have a good day! As always reach out through comments as well as emails! There are always others finding my blog who may find your thoughts and feelings useful! Including myself.

Doctor Day
(D Day)

I had recently started pushing myself more and more each day and was becoming more worrisome of if things were going well and what not. I had days where there was no doubt that my foot was stronger and healthier then it had been in years. But, then there were other days where it began to hurt differently or even in a familiar way and that is when the worry would set in. Mostly I just badly wanted to know.

Once the day finally came I was a nervous ball of excitement, so was my partner. We got there and as always looked at the collection of good deeds my doctor has done and his stunning collection of books. Anything, to distract how we were feeling. Then I was taken back to do the usual X-ray's; one with your foot flat and normal and one on the side. These have become common practice to me and when the nurse joked about "all you probably want to do is wear sandals" I quietly thought to myself while simultaneously giving her a little chuckle of comfort.. no all I want is my bone to be doing well. Sandals were the least from my mind.

Fairly soon afterward my doctor comes in with his normal kind yet assessing face and his hand stretched out. Something that has become a huge comfort to me during these last 9 months. He shakes my hand and says " You are usually always smiling. You should be smiling." To this I gave him a small side smile which is all I could muster with how unpleasantly nervous I was feeling. Yet, I agree with him everyone should always be smiling. I even felt a ping of guilt not being able to muster up a good one for him.

He sits down and puts the X-Ray up on the screen and zooms into his masterpiece. Takes a good look at it and turns to me and says "It's solid, you can hardly see where there were gaps before. Now they are just small slivers in a bone." Even at this point I wasn't able to give a smile but I did my best. I was in shock. Absolute shock. I had all these questions lined up for him and now none of them seemed to matter. He went on to say that he strongly believes I will continue to get stronger and feel better then I ever had (including before my first surgeries since this is a journey I've been on since age 10).

After I stubbornly asked all my worrisome questions, and was told that I may always feel "weird or odd," he kindly asked to take pictures of my feet. The look in his eyes then is something I will never forget. He was proud. I never expected to see that face from a doctor and let alone about something he had helped me with. However, I now never want to see anything else. He should be proud. He did a magnificent job. From the very first X-ray I saw to how he molded my cast I knew he was a perfectionist. The hard work he did on me paid off and he deserves to be just as overjoyed as I am.

Well readers I know this was a bit different but I hope it was something worth reading.

Until Next Time

TheFootGal

New Year | My Best Moments 2013

Happy New Year!

Photo done by Ausia Hamblin Photography 

Out of everything during the holiday season, New Years is my favorite. I've never been big on resolutions because I think it's important to challenge yourself every day. The thing that sticks for me is being able to set a time mark of where you have come within the year. Starting a new year means reinventing the you of the future.

As I sit here feeling optimistic for the future I was going to make a list of my "bests of 2013."

I'm sure I could make a pretty decent list but the first thing that came to my mind were my doctor experiences this year.

The beginning of this year I was still seeing the doctor that I had when I first moved here. I would go and get x-rays and get vague responses about the pain level I was in. He always had "positive" things to say about it.and things that made us think I was still on a path to recovery. However, after 2 years of looking at X-rays on a pretty consistent 2 month schedule I started to realize nothing seemed to be changing and I just kept having a sinking feeling every time I'd leave his office.

Eventually I got fed up and one morning during our regular Sunday brunch day I brought it up to my partner. It wasn't easy having to tell him that I really didn't trust this guy. Not because I thought it was the wrong choice but because what he had been telling us was just feeding into our "hope." This journey isn't just mine but my partners as well. He wants me to heal and feel strong just as much as I do and having to tell him that I wasn't feeling strong and that I didn't think this doctor was being honest with me was hard for both of us.

After that we went to one more visit before throwing in the towel.

It's a scary process to find a doctor and it can be emotionally troubling for long periods of time. As most great things in this world they usually have some equally bad things to go along with them. For me finding Doctor W. was finally a moment where I felt like I could breathe. I had been feeling the pain of walking on my, now known, nonunions and I was grateful to have a doctor again who seemed as concerned as I was. We all know how this story goes though. My concern was shortly followed by the news of having to start this foot surgery journey all over again.

I still remember Doctor W's eyes when he told me. They were full of sorrow. I can't imagine what it must be like for a doctor to look into a 22 year old's eyes and tell her that she will not only have to do it again but that he wasn't sure he could. I do know though that his emotion and intent was pure and humble. These are all rare and important traits for a doctor to carry.

This is the moment that comes to my mind when I think of 2013. It may seem weird to you that this is my fondest memory of the year but everything that has come to me since that day has been life changing, because this one doctor was humble enough to say I needed more.

I hope that you all have had a wonderful 2013. I know that I have had one of the best years of my life and to you viewers reading this, you play a huge part in that. Thank you.

Remember that we are all just humans getting by. Even the doctors we trust. Don't treat it lightly if you don't trust them. PLEASE find another one. The doctor I have now is someone I hope to have in my life for as long as mortality will allow. He has made this surgery less of a burden. I had someone tell me that while picking a doctor you should treat it as if going to the grocery store. Most of the time you don't just pick up the first jar of peanut butter you see but you like to choose one that will fit what you expect from the product.

and with that said. HAPPY NEW YEAR! I can't wait to share 2014 with all of you.

Until Next Time,

Kristy TheFootGal

Reoccurring Theme

I'm not sure if I've openly talked about my opinion on situations such as mine (anything that is life changing or altering). It's easy to see that I am physically handicapped. It's not as easy to see or be aware that there are two sides to having a physical handicap.

This is a very personal subject to me and I have only shared it with a handful of close friends and relatives. I strongly believe that there is always a physical and mental challenge while tackling a life changing situation, whether it be changing your diet or losing your feet. It's something that I have been able to be more aware of as I have been going through this for almost 3 years now.

Think about it this way. When you decided to cut out that daily dose of Mickey D's french fries you don't just do your body good but you mentally tend to crave or even miss it like a long lost friend. Studies have shown that people over eat because of their feelings.

I've had so many experiences and still to this day encounter at least one person a day that can not see past my physical trial. They want to know what happened? What is this thing you are on? how long have you been in that cast/boot? Is it going to get better? and well.. when you are honest and say "I do not know and neither does my doctor" they all seem to shrink away. I witness their face gone from curiosity to immediate pity. Most cases these people ask some less "harmful" questions and then walk away and continue their day leaving me with the awful sense that I just told them their dog died.

I'm not sure where you say "HEY I'M A HUMAN WITH THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS." I haven't quite figured this out yet. I usually just scoot along and find a quiet place to read or indulge in my current obsession. The sense that every time I encounter someone like this doesn't go or fade away though. It lingers and sits like I just ate rotten food. In fact I've had it happen over and over with immediate family and close friends, where they swear to me that I don't deserve this and that I will get better. Then I have to silently tell myself that they mean well but the real truth is no one knows the outcome.

It's hard to make friends when so many people look at me and all they see is a big booted foot.

Until next time,

TheFootGal

Nonunion 3 Months | Updating Updating Updating

As one can imagine time has gotten away from me. When you don't have a job or anything that really "forces" you out of your home then you kind of start drifting. It makes me wonder about who invented time. My idea is that someone kept putting this off like.. eating, sleeping, tending to the crops and realized that maybe marking time would be a good idea. Anyhow, I have no real physical things marking my time. Everything I do is by choice (which is fantastic) but it can become challenging.

Like I talked about in my post My 2 Week Vacation is Over, I was starting to feel isolated. This isn't new to me. Not at all. It's like.. being a 5 year old kid with no school, choirs, and well.. all your friends have school, and choirs. So you are left to your own means of entertainment if you will. I posted a video-log on what I have been filling in my time with. If you would like to see that video just go to my channel at www.youtube.com/user/TheFootGal. Don't forget to subscribe so that you can see any video that I do not post here! Same with following my blog. These things help you stay connected to my new material.

This got me thinking and I figured I should probably also update more on how I am actually doing. That is what this space is for. This lovely lovely canvas I call my blog. I went to the beach yesterday to think through my own emotions. What I'm going through, how I'm handling it, how I continue to push on and do my "thaaaang." Lets just say I sat at the beach, put my headphones in.... and cried.

 For almost an hour. I went home feeling refreshed and much more connected with myself. However, I did end up creating this video once I got home (Yes I'm sunburnt, YOLO).

Since this is foot related I wanted to make sure you all got to see it and give you a update on... well.. Me. Mainly I just want to give some advice on how to fill in the void that comes when you get disconnected from the life you.. "once had" or "will have again" depending on the situation. Mine just happens to be the "once had" and now I have to find what's NEXT. Which is exciting. 

It's like going off to college right out of high school. So much is unknown to you. You have no idea what you are about to jump into. So many emotions come to mind when I think of high school ending and college beginning. All those emotions I seem to feel now. Excitement, anticipation, nervous, anxious, scared, sad and ready.  

If you "land on your feet" so to say and find yourself in a situation where you feel you have either been denying yourself of your true potential or you wish to move on to the next thing. Well I can say I get that. For me I have been focusing on a few things to keep myself motivated. 

1. Getting out by myself.
• I've been making sure that I go to the mall here once a week if not more. This has gotten a series of reactions from people most of which have been 'what? I'd go with you I'm sorry you are there alone.' to this I say. Yes, it would be nice to have company but on a different day when I'm not going for just "me." A lot comes with school, jobs and anything that you go out and set a majority of time in. One of those things is Independence. We all have and we all need it. This is my little way of saying "Kristy YOU GO GIRL." To my surprise it has been helping more then anything! The beach day was one of those however, Clayton did have to come with me so  I had a ride.
2. Staying away from social Media AKA Facebook
• If you are family reading this then you know that I have deleted Facebook more then once since foot surgery. I even went so far as to deleting friends and ONLY having family. When you are at a cross roads in life and maybe have a LITTLE too much time on your hands. I highly suggest if not deleting then making some hard ground rules for yourself so that you don't get caught up in everyone else's business and their so called "Facebook achievements." you are not those people. You will never be those people. If it bothers you then just walk away. So I have been working on this. 
3. Achieving something 
• No brainer right? We all like to do something we can be proud of. I talk about a lot of these things in my Video Log update. I have a list of beanies I have been working on and I plan to knit every single one! I'm 4 1/2 down! Should be starting 5 today if all goes well. I have been posting video logs and now I will updated my blog. To me these are accomplishments. 

So if you may be going through a hard time where you are experiencing intense emotions that maybe.. seem too much to handle. I hope you remember my post and remember to keep your chin up. Keep throwing those punches and when all else fails you can always email me and I'll tell you to keep throwing the punches. I screamed into a pillow the other day and let me tell you.. WOW. so much a relief. 

Also a video about Google glass and more inspiration! (Google glass is my latest obsession)

Until Next Time

TheFootGal

Nonunion Week 14 | How's The Foot?

My new favorite game is to answer the question "How is the foot?" Most people ask it along with "how are you?" So it makes me giggle. My favorite response is "I'm doing great and enjoying life! I think my foot is doing okay but it hasn't told me lately!"

I know I haven't posted directly about my foot but to be honest it would just be a repeat. I will give some personal insight to this experience and to my life in general this time. It's different when it isn't your first time and when things aren't mapped out so clearly. However, I have already written posts from my previous surgery that should help with more of a Physical aspect and to give insight to that side of recovery. All those things are still very relevant and are still happening. It's just that I've been able to accept this as my present. Rather then hoping for it to be over every minute that I'm living it.

So here are the links from 2-3 weeks last surgery |

Surgery Day | Day 1 | Day 2 | Day 3/4 | Day 6 | Day 7 | Day 9 | Day 12 | Day 13 | Day 14  | Day 17 | Day 19 | Day 20

If you have already lived this journey with me or if you have already read those post I just linked to, then you know that the me in those post is no longer the me of today. I can sit here and tell you all the physical trials all over again but honestly if you need the help physically that is what those links are for. They focus on the physical aspect of surgery because that is what I, as a person was overcoming at the time.

Don't get me wrong all of those lessons I learned my previous 5 surgeries are important and I still am adhering to them as I live through this most recent surgery. If there is anything you fill you did not get help with or would like further information on PLEASE contact me, the answer is always no if you don't ask. I'd be more then willing to either write about it on here or write you personally to help ease the worry that can come along with the pain.

I think there is an aspect to surgery that tends to not get mentioned. This has to do with any surgery not just foot surgery. There are parts of surgery that can be completely emotionally draining. Let me give an example.

The one that comes clearest to me is the social aspect. As someone who is very young and very healthy and would love to surround herself with people every day. It doesn't seem to happen as often as hoped. I'm not only talking about right now but in the past too. I've mentioned in my video logs and in my blog posts how isolated it is. Physical things are things you can not deny. People see them and instantly feel pity. It's a human emotion and I'm not saying it's wrong. However, I think we should try to show more empathy.

Empathy

the intellectual identification with or vicarious experiencing of the feelings, thoughts, or attitudes of another.


We tend to be distracted by the physical problem when during these things the emotional trauma is what is most damaging to the person. This is my 5th time and I've learned that it's not worth the time to hope that everyone in my life would take a step backwards and at least try to see what it may be like to be isolated in your home. I've had many cases where people have just flat out been rude to me about how "No one could understand."

I'm here to tell you that if you have felt this way you are lying to yourself. Have you ever felt lonely? Depressed? Discouraged? Sad? Angry? Lost your independence? Frustrated? Anxiety? Boredom? Embarrassed? Remorse?

The answer is YES. Sure you can't feel my pain or do this for me. I would never wish it. These kinds of things aren't easy but when the people around you aren't willing to truly empathize with you. FEEL with you. Understand the feelings you are having.. then all you get is dark and lonely feelings.

I am not trying to rag on anyone. No one person is to blame for this. I do blame society a little bit for making so that everyone has the right to be "busy." Sure be busy but in that business remember there is a human out there that is longing for your empathy.

TheFootGal