(this makes me laugh so much.)
As promised I am going to tell you about my pre-op appointment.
As per usual they put me in an office (office 1) and I sat in the big chair and took my shoes and socks off. I was very nervous because making surgery official in the Pre-Op appointments.. well it's just that it's official after that. It usually makes you realize "oh shit this is happening." I'm not sure if it's normal but my pre-op's have always been a week before surgery so it not only makes it real.. but it makes it seem REALLY close too.
As I'm waiting I'm fidgeting and my palms are sweating. Like I mentioned I really had no idea what the surgery was going to consist of. What his actual plan was. So I was a deer in head lights if you will. Then he comes in and sits down and just stairs me straight in the eyes and tells me he isn't ready to operate on me. That he had been thinking about it and none of his solutions are sitting right with him and all of them would end up in me needing my joint fused. He said multiple times "I know you have already been through a lot and I want to make sure we get this right." Then he goes on to say that he is sending me to a doctor he trust in a neighboring town to get a second opinion.
We were blind sided. I had not idea that this was what was going to happen. I had already quit my job (it's a standing job) and was already making the mental and physical changes in my life to prepare for surgery. So we left and tried calling the other doctor but they have to get a direct reference from the doctor, for me to see him. So I'm still waiting for that to happen then I can make the appointment.
To explain the emotions I'm feeling about this I decided to make a vlog post instead of writing it. Mainly because normally I wouldn't write about my emotions. Not these emotions at least. This was very scary for me to do. I almost didn't post it but my husband told me I should.
So here is my Vlog post:
As always send me any questions or even just private message me. I love to hear from my viewers you are my strength.
kristythefootgal@gmail.com
TheFootGal
Stay strong, Kristy. I cannot possibly understand what you are going through, but I am glad you have the courage to share your emotions in this video and blog. I hope everything goes well for you!
ReplyDeleteKristy,
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry you are struggling with this. I know how much you like to keep busy and work and that you have been struggling with this for awhile. If you ever need to talk about anything I am here. Your blog is very helpful and interesting and you look great.
Kristy,
ReplyDeleteHello again! After watching your videos I just wanted to reinforce how much admiration I have for you! It may sound corny but after going through this, I can say I understand what your going through and its hard that the people closest to you may never truely understand.Keep doing what you do and you will always have a fan here on the other side of the world!! Big hugs from me to you..
Dear Kristy,
ReplyDeleteI am just now viewing and as a close relative I want you to know that I care. I understand how bad pain can put us though mental hell. I have had pain behind my eye for almost three years. After a few tests my doctor suggested for me to do to find out the cause of my pain we came up with "unknown pain". although my pain is not worse, I try and stay posivetive and for now i am content liveing with this pain. Thank goodness for pain medicine, I really would not do good without it. It is not easy, I cannot do as much as I used too. I have more pain it seems from not getting enough exercise although it is hard to exercise with this constant pain and now I have a Herneiated disc in my low back that is also debilitateing pain. The diffence in my back pain is that I know the name, and if I do my Physical Therapy I feel less pain and I can do more. Then my eye pain keeps me down so it seems useless to exercise when my eye pain does not get better. I feel I cannot move forward so I just try and stay posivetive and except it for what it is. Somedays I feel quilty becuase I can't do things and I ask for help. I think I am lazy. I look around at my dirty house, and I think often that people are judgeing me, they must think i am lazy, and set aside from my pain I am lazy sometimes but the guilt has got to go. I start feeling really guilty and for what? I will feel guilty and that is not good at all, it is all fake feelings! Then I think, this is not true feelings, okay I lost it, it must be my inner demons or something that is keeping down and depressed. I start thinking that the pain I feel is my fault and then my thoughts get worse from there. Then I will have a good day (seems like I have good and bad days equal to each other). I think I do not deserve to feel down on myself, it is not my faulth I can't help this, and I need to and I will ask for the help I need. Even for the little things like just helping me lift a 24 case of bottled water. It makes me feel loved to be helped so tha tis good. it is like a inner conflict constantly. we face this battle everyday, struggle though the pain, somedays get up in the morning and wonder how we are going to make it though the day. now I am rambling. just know I understand, I do not judge you, and I know you have the courage it takes to face your pain and your surgerys. don't let your inner conflict get to you. Remember this is not your fault. Try and except help, people need to feel needed, so we should let them serve us, it is a win win. I understand the battle we are in. If you are having a bad day and feel like your can't pull yourself up and out of it, please call me. I am in the same boat and we can talk about our day and I bet we would be going though the same things-struggling with constant debilitateing pain and the negative thoughts that go with it. I know some days we have panic, and just a feeling a unwell feelings. This is not fun, do not let negative self defeat thoughts get to you I tell ya it is normal. always talk to someone if you can't seem to pull out of it. i ususlly talk to steve and I usually can get my possivetive self talk back. If not then steve is in big trouble ha ha. Seriously I know how hard pain and not being able to do anything, but feel pain. It is scary and it sucks. I think your vlogs are really good. I believe it is good for you to post your feelings. Keep telling us how your doing. I wish you well and that if you have surgery it will smooth and that you will get better.
I love you,
Aunt Brenda