Nonunion Week 14 | How's The Foot?

My new favorite game is to answer the question "How is the foot?" Most people ask it along with "how are you?" So it makes me giggle. My favorite response is "I'm doing great and enjoying life! I think my foot is doing okay but it hasn't told me lately!"

I know I haven't posted directly about my foot but to be honest it would just be a repeat. I will give some personal insight to this experience and to my life in general this time. It's different when it isn't your first time and when things aren't mapped out so clearly. However, I have already written posts from my previous surgery that should help with more of a Physical aspect and to give insight to that side of recovery. All those things are still very relevant and are still happening. It's just that I've been able to accept this as my present. Rather then hoping for it to be over every minute that I'm living it.

So here are the links from 2-3 weeks last surgery |

Surgery Day | Day 1 | Day 2 | Day 3/4 | Day 6 | Day 7 | Day 9 | Day 12 | Day 13 | Day 14  | Day 17 | Day 19 | Day 20

If you have already lived this journey with me or if you have already read those post I just linked to, then you know that the me in those post is no longer the me of today. I can sit here and tell you all the physical trials all over again but honestly if you need the help physically that is what those links are for. They focus on the physical aspect of surgery because that is what I, as a person was overcoming at the time.

Don't get me wrong all of those lessons I learned my previous 5 surgeries are important and I still am adhering to them as I live through this most recent surgery. If there is anything you fill you did not get help with or would like further information on PLEASE contact me, the answer is always no if you don't ask. I'd be more then willing to either write about it on here or write you personally to help ease the worry that can come along with the pain.

I think there is an aspect to surgery that tends to not get mentioned. This has to do with any surgery not just foot surgery. There are parts of surgery that can be completely emotionally draining. Let me give an example.

The one that comes clearest to me is the social aspect. As someone who is very young and very healthy and would love to surround herself with people every day. It doesn't seem to happen as often as hoped. I'm not only talking about right now but in the past too. I've mentioned in my video logs and in my blog posts how isolated it is. Physical things are things you can not deny. People see them and instantly feel pity. It's a human emotion and I'm not saying it's wrong. However, I think we should try to show more empathy.

Empathy

the intellectual identification with or vicarious experiencing of the feelings, thoughts, or attitudes of another.


We tend to be distracted by the physical problem when during these things the emotional trauma is what is most damaging to the person. This is my 5th time and I've learned that it's not worth the time to hope that everyone in my life would take a step backwards and at least try to see what it may be like to be isolated in your home. I've had many cases where people have just flat out been rude to me about how "No one could understand."

I'm here to tell you that if you have felt this way you are lying to yourself. Have you ever felt lonely? Depressed? Discouraged? Sad? Angry? Lost your independence? Frustrated? Anxiety? Boredom? Embarrassed? Remorse?

The answer is YES. Sure you can't feel my pain or do this for me. I would never wish it. These kinds of things aren't easy but when the people around you aren't willing to truly empathize with you. FEEL with you. Understand the feelings you are having.. then all you get is dark and lonely feelings.

I am not trying to rag on anyone. No one person is to blame for this. I do blame society a little bit for making so that everyone has the right to be "busy." Sure be busy but in that business remember there is a human out there that is longing for your empathy.

TheFootGal

Nonunion Week 13 | Medical Cannabis (weed)

Hello viewers.

I have some news to share with you and I wanted to have really experienced the difference and affects of Medical Cannabis (weed) before I announced that it was my drug of choice. well I am now almost two weeks out of surgery and I Can say it now :

MEDICAL CANNABIS IS MY DRUG OF CHOICE FOR PAIN RELIEF

Yep I just said that. Me, Kristy, who about a year ago (10 months) was MORMON. I have done weed on higher levels then some "pot heads." Yep, I just said that too. Wow, surprising even myself. I'm proud of it though, because this is the way of the future and it should be. I want to start off by posting this video I just watched:

That's right people grapefruit can kill you. Because of the drugs that are "supposed" to help us. I know that I've mentioned this on many occasions because it was such a disappointment to have to deal with when I was already in so much pain. But I was eating grapefruit, during my second surgery, because I really care about my health now. Well, I was eating grapefruit for breakfast every morning and mixed with the amounts of Lortab (norco) I was on, it made me physically ill. I vomited horribly on multiple occasions. I have a extremely STRONG stomach. So vomiting is not a normal thing for me. Let alone projectile vomiting.

Why may you ask does this have to do with Medical Cannabis well guess what? I don't have to worry about DYING from my breakfast. I can get as High and as HAPPY as I want. Thanks to medical cannabis not only that I've experienced some extreme differences.

 Keep in mind I do not smoke weed. I have been Vaping weed, (much softer on your body and gets rid of other bad things), and Digesting it. My preferred method when used for pain is Edibles. Why? because it causes you to have a longer lasting and more body high. This can be a intense high if you haven't gotten high before. I highly (haha, wink, wink) suggest you either smoke/vape it for the first few times to get used to the way being high is.

So you may be wondering now. HOW? how can it be good for pain Kristy. It's a plant. That's crazy. You are crazy. Weed is bad. Bad Kristy Bad bad bad Kristy. Well You can think what you want honestly I could give two shits about that. Because I am never going back to norco, never.

So to paint a picture for you. Kristy two years ago before surgery. Full of life and full of the future. She wanted to do anything and be everything. Then she had to get surgery. She lost her dreams and hopes and aspirations. She couldn't see how her future could work anymore without the proper function of her feet. She felt worthless. During those first surgeries she took pain killers. Lots of them because she thought it was the only way to survive the time she was forced to be on the couch and the only way to relieve the pain.



Second surgery rolls around six months after the first. She's ready to jump on board and get this out of the way. Life is too short to have to "WASTE" her time with foot surgeries. YUCK. Then the pain killers came back into her life. It all got darker when she took them, she fell so easily back into old patterns that she had spent the last 3 months getting rid of. But it was just sooo easy. Then she realized the pain had gone a little but she didn't care. Her pain still existed. Deep down in her heart. She was still broken and the pain killers let her ignore that. Then Kristy realized that she could go off the pain killers for things she really desired to do. Like, Read the hunger games. Then she slowly just got rid of them. (later on I realized I was detoxing but at the time I had no idea I was addicted).

FAST FORWARD A YEAR to now and some really difficult news later. 

She was a much different person. She thought she had escaped the world she had been forced to live in for two years. She was trying new things and improving her life in EVERY way. She knew she had a lot to catch up on. Two years is a long time for not living a life you want to live.

Then it happened. The doctor told me the hard news. The true news. The honest news. "You have to do it again, I am so sorry."

deep deep deep down I went. Back into that sadness. WHY... again? but I thought.. really? again?.. Okay again we go. BUT... NO NO NO NO NO NO NO. I can't do the pills I can't. How will I do this without the pills. I can't do them they hurt me. They KILL me. Yes they KILL me.

Then I phoned my brother and he gave me this bit of advice "Kristy at least you don't have to take lortab this time." WHAT? I DON"T? HOW? "you live in california you can just use weed." Wait... I can? but weed is bad? that is bad? that makes me bad right? no.

Some SPICY  Dark Canna-Chocolate Dip on a banana 

That is how my journey started. After surgery I took the pain killers they gave me in the hospital and then the second day I also took it. Because I was afraid to use the cannabis because it was "bad." I did have everything I need to use weed, though. I had  used it to see what it was like a few times to see how the pain went away with what pain I had before surgery. Which, if you decide to do this please learn what it is like to  FEEL your body before you have extreme pain. Weed makes you extremely aware of your body. It takes a while to get used to. Especially if you live with chronic pain as I do. You have to re learn what the pain is and how it's happening. The weed helps that though and will train you to move your body in a way that HELPS the pain go away.

Some Cannabutter Cinnamon Bread yum yum.

So before this gets crazy insanely long. I want to tell you. When I was on pain killers for that one day.. it made me do and say things that I couldn't control. horrible awful, rotten, rude, things. Because you have to fight against the constant urge to fall asleep. This constant urge to NOT shut your brain off. so the main difference and easiest way I know how to put it is:

Pain Killers : They cause your brain to turn off. Because they TURN OFF the part of your brain that tells you that you are feeling pain.

Medical Cannabis : Makes you feel the pain but makes you understand it and makes you aware of how it needs to be taken care of then makes you not care about it (AT ALL). It makes you not CARE because you will just be doing exactly what your body needs. which is rest. and rest you will. However, my brain went into HYPER drive. I could think and read, learn, live, love, feel, and anything else you do when your brain does not get SHUT OFF by pain killers.

I will write more about this. I have a lot to say. The last thing on here though I want to say is that it was the easiest thing to NOT take. I've been off of any kind of medicine for basically two days now! I have the CHOICE to take it when I need it. I didn't have a choice with the pain killers. I have the CHOICE to go off it if I don't need it. With pain killers my body still WANTED IT. because on pain killers you don't experience the pain. So when you turn your brain on again you experience the new pain ALL over again. so awful.. but with weed I just experience everything I see and feel the pain go away.

With that. I do hope some of you take the time to realize the dangers of pain killers. Even the simple ones like eating grapefruit with it. Even though they are "legal" in most places. It KILLED me.


The Foot Gal

Nonunion Week 12 | 5 Stages Of Grief

So I planned this video out well. I don't have a whole lot to add today!I really think anyone that happens on this blog should watch this video. It took me 2 years to realize all of this for myself. Don't let it take you that long no matter the situation! as usual I am always here! feel free to follow me on twitter, instagram, email, youtube! THANK YOU!

@thefootgal

Nonunion Week 12 | Fighting

3 days after surgery.

Good Morning all. I did try to update sooner but as you can imagine I had "something" on my mind. I've done incredibly well compared to past surgeries. I was prepared and ready for that day. More then I have ever been. I suppose after a few trial runs you get used to how things go.

Me Playing Animal Crossing in the Hospital | Before surgery.

I think the biggest thing is getting used to the reality of it all. I drew a Eso symbol on my cast the day I got it. It has many meanings but the one that is sticking out to me right now is "True nature of reality." I used to be religious and gave everything I could to God. Now that I'm atheist, I say this in the humblest way possible, I give more credit to myself. My abilities and my realities.

My Enso Drawing.

Which, has brought me through this hard choice with happiness.

That brings me to surgery day after I already went under. Once I started realizing where I was from waking up after being asleep from anesthesia. I was relieved to one, be alive and, two happy because I had made it. I had made it to after surgery. For weeks I've been at this before surgery stage. Where I was constantly thinking that I wasn't doing enough to get ready or that I wasn't doing enough to enjoy my time before surgery. I finally did reach a point where I knew I was just doing what made me happy. Which is also different from before. Once I realized that. it was smooth sailing to surgery day. Like I told you I was laughing and everything the day of. With nurses and doctors.

See how Obliviously happy I was? | After surgery 

So when I woke up I was in such a relaxed and comfortable state I just couldn't even begin to explain to you how over joyed that made me. I wanted to just sing and "dance" if you will. I got home and I used all my new equipment and I could just see all of the positives that day. It was crazy. I was able to be good company on phone calls and such as well! It was a completely new experience. I was riding on a cloud of joy and I didn't want to get off. I stayed up all night because I didn't want it to end. I guess I knew that it had to end at some point. We all have our bumps in the road?

The next day after that I was in such a haze of pain and medication I couldn't stay awake and I barely remember anything that happened. Then yesterday I got mad. Just felt anger at everything. All the emotions that I've felt before seem to be coming so much faster this time. I can just see my situation so much clearer then ever before. It's just knowing that this is my reality. Knowing that even with all this shit happening to me I can still go on to be that person I've always dreamed of being. Even if maybe the "walk" isn't quite the same.

My Cat Just showing me so much love! All of them were.
 Some more annoyingly then others. 

I guess what I'm trying to say is learn to see the whole picture. Learn to find your true reality and never stop doing that. You will find peace with things you've never imagined yet. I'm not going to sit here and just paint this pretty picture though. Because To find that peace you have to travel over hard bumps and trials. You have to weave through the muck. Why? because you have to feel the reality and know it.

Yesterday I had a major reality check. I just really felt mad and angry and Like I was losing it. Then I got in the shower and realized we had missed a step in getting the shower ready... Because we have sliding doors instead of a curtain I had nothing to drape over myself to keep the water from getting out! OOOPSIE right?.. yeah well I didn't realize the oops right away and just started crying and saying "I CAN'T SHOWER I"LL NEVER BE ABLE TO SHOWER AGAIN!" which I clearly know isn't the truth but I couldn't help but feel the despair. I hadn't felt it before, I've always just shoved all those little things that "suck" right in the back of my head and now I face them. I'm a Fighter.

You can be too. Just keep fighting. whatever the trial is. keep fighting. For now that's where I will be. Trying to fight! Until next time.

Ps. Sorry for no Vlog recently! I tried to edit my how to use a walking boot / shoe and it just needs more work then I realized so it will be a little while! Promise more are coming though!


The.Foot.Gal

Nonunion week 11| Getting Ready

Here I am 9 days until surgery... YICKES. I want to talk about how this is my fifth time doing this and I'm just so ready for it to happen and to get going... but that would be a lie. I've done this so many times already I should get used to it right? I should be prepared for what is coming and not be scared or unsure. I should know. It seems though that each time I become more aware of what is happening and that tends to make it harder and easier at the same time.

I woke up today and didn't plan on getting ready straight away but I had a friend write me on FB and remind me that we had a google+ hang out set up for today and I wanted to do it so I hopped in the shower. Once I was in there I realized that I only have 8 more showers standing up for God knows how long. I instantly burst into tears. You want to be able to look at those moments and say "This is one of 9 showers I have left standing up on both feet . lets make the best of it." Instead I found myself wallowing and wishing I didn't have to lose it.

I'm not sure there is any proper response to this but this is how my body chose to react. I did stay in the shower a bit longer then I had planned because I do enjoy my showers and they are a lot easier to enjoy standing up then sitting. However, I still have it in the back of my mind as "you only have 8 left."

I'm not trying to sound depressed or pessimistic by saying this. I'm just telling you, my viewers, how I feel today. These surgeries are a part of me now. My feet are mine and no one else's. I'd say walk a mile in my shoes but to be honest I would not wish this on my worst enemy. Just know that to me this is my life. These surgeries the doctors and the people I encounter during all of it tend to become my friends. I honestly say that my doctor in Utah is someone I'd like to send a Christmas card to and get one back from. I'm ready to start this journey but part of me is not willing yet. Unfortunately that part of me will always lose because this is not my choice. If I had a choice then things would be different.

I have posted quite a few Vlogs lately but they haven't been geared towards my foot surgery audience. Here is a video explaining how I want my Vlog to work from here on out and it will include everything that is important to me. Which a big part of that is surgeries.

I am going to be posting a  How To | Use a Walking Boot/Shoe soon. I got that suggestion from someone who may need one in the future. Again I love getting suggestions from my viewers because I want them to be helpful to you. Please let me know if you would like to see anything!

YouTube | Twitter |Instagram | Email

The Foot Gal

Nonunion week 7| How to use crutches in the bathroom (shower & toilet)

I've recently been receiving emails from a viewer of this blog who was searching for details on foot surgery. He found my blog and we have been exchanging emails. He is very kind and I appreciate his emails so much. Please if you ever want to talk don't be afraid to email me ( kristythefootgal@gmail.com ). I'm always happy to talk with anyone!

Anyway, this viewer asked me about getting up and down from the toilet. I had wanted to make a video on how to use the shower and toilet already but, I wasn't planning on making the video very soon. Because of his email I was inspired to create it now before he got his surgery.

Here is the video:




It was really fun to make. It allowed me to practice doing videos like this before I actually can't stand on my feet. Just for people to know. I'm extremely good on crutches. Doctors and nurses have told me this many times so it may be smart to practice if possible before, you are injured so you don't injure yourself more. Always always always, be as careful as you can.

To be honest when I was going to do the shower one I got really nervous and anxious. It's scary and dangerous. right now I live up a flight of stairs going to my apartment. I'm pretty nervous about this. My previous experience with stairs has always been sketchy. I urge you to be very very careful once again. Do everything you can to insure that your foot/knee/leg is safe.

I talk about products I want to buy for these surgeries. I didn't explain them in the video but I did post some links. I want to talk about some of these on here.

The first one is a bath tube stool. I've wanted one of these for a while but couldn't afford it before. In-fact I can't really afford any of these things. We've been very strict about eating at home and saving what we can.. We do have some money but it's going to become very difficult for us with these items needing to be
bought...

Cost: $47.49

This is the one we are currently looking at. Click Here for where to buy it.  This one is tall so I wont hurt myself on the edge of our bath, sense it has the sliding doors. Also the seat swivels so that I could probably use it for both feet. Our bathroom is very tiny so that would be extremely helpful.

Then the second Item is a resting wedge.

Cost: 41.66

Pretty clear what this will be for. It has a cover so you can wash it. I struggled with back problems from the combination of a poor couch and pillows. Not only this, having pillows didn't support behind my knees very well and I would have a lot of pain/swelling in the knees. This is really the only one we could find that will work. It's a bummer because it is a lot but the foam has to be hard to support it. here is the link for this one.

Last thing that we are looking into is a Knee Scooter these are the few we are trying to choose from:

Cost: $289.00

Cost: 217.13

Scooter 1 Link         Scooter 2 link
Yeppppp pricey. This is cheaper then it would be if your doctor supplied it for you though. This one is something that my new doctor said I SHOULD have. Don't get me wrong I really really really want it. It takes a lot less effort and eases the effort of getting around. It would allow me to go out a lot more then I have before. The only bother is the money. I currently am unemployed and that doesn't seem to be changing anytime soon. I need to take care of my body and my mental state first. The doctor told me I need it though because of how bad off my feet our. Sense my right foot and left foot are both in the same shape I shouldn't be hopping around on either too much. It could cause more problems so we will have to figure it. Like I said we have been very strict on our budget the last month. We will continue this as we have done in the past to survive. I feel extremely guilty about all the expense of these surgeries not to mention the needs of these supplies. I hope to find a way to do this. We had to buy me a new boot last September which was $60 dollars. These things really add up and cut into our life a lot.

Well that's about all I wanted to talk about. Again please feel free to leave any questions for my Q & A video. I haven't decided when I'll make it but I'd like to have some medical related questions as well. Thanks so much for reading. 

kristythefootgal@gmail.com

Kristy.The.Foot.Gal

Nonunion week 6| Surgery date Set.

Yesterday I stayed at an old friend of my moms house so that me, my sister and her husband could all go to a beach near by! When I woke up I got a phone call from the doctors office to set up the appointment for surgery. My doctor has conferences next month (July) so he's all booked for that month. so my date is, dun.dun.dun :

AUGUST 9th 2013

6 weeks from now.. I'm jobless and haven't done anything substantial for 3 weeks already and I've been trying to rack my brain of what to do these next 6 weeks. Is that long enough to find a sit down job that will give me the time off I'll need? Should I focus on getting back into school for the spring? Should I just try and enjoy my time until then? What should I do if I get stir crazy? etc. 

I'm really not sure. I don't know how long I'll be non weight baring.. I know i'll be in a hard cast at first but because of my past healing troubles he made it sound like I could be non weight bearing for Months. Doesn't really give me a chance to feel like a reliable worker.. How do you do this? What do handicapped people do for work? will I have to be that person. The one that gets help from the state/government. The kind of person people belittle? I didn't choose this. I'd love to hand it over to someone else. Just to be able to say "THE HELL WITH IT." I just am so unsure. Will someone except that I"m on crutches but I have a strong desire to work and be needed? I would. If I were the boss. I'd find something they could do. I"m to the point where I hope that maybe I can just volunteer somewhere and do filing work. JUST to have something to do. Something that makes me feel like a normal person. Something that allows me to interact with people. Just something.

Going to the beach was fun. I got in the water once for a good 15 minutes and wave Jumped. First time my mind had been free of the stress in years. The down side is I'm now stuck on a couch for at least two days icing my ankles. The pain is so bad. So bad. 

My Reality

It's rough.. My level of activity was probably 1/3 of what my sister and her husbands was and now I'll be on the couch. It's hard to keep pushing. I loved wave jumping but right now I don't feel like it was worth it... Which, Sucks balls. It just does.

The other thing I"m extremely worried about right now is the fact that this amazing doctor I've picked to work on me is 1 hour away.. which makes a trip there about 3 hours. Having a husband in graduate school and not being able to drive is going to cause a lot of conflict. Not to mention the fact that neither of our families are here.. What to do about that? I'm not sure. 

I'd love to do a Q & A for my next blog/Vlog so any questions you have had about this or about me as a person, then this is your chance! Ask me anything :) 

Kristy.The.Foot.Gal